*This piece albeit seemingly dark in nature is about if we know when wonder and hope becomes an excuse for staying in a situation that isn’t good for us. At what point do you realize there is more for you than being there for someone else more than yourself?*

I wonder if he knows, that seeing him so much is me saying goodbye
That I’ve tried to change my demeanor, so much so, it has all become lies

I wonder, did he see my attempts asking, begging for his help
Or did he see it as something else… I wonder if he could tell

I wonder if he knows why, that night, I wanted to stay…
So he could be the first to greet me on one of the last few days

Does he sense my fear in open affection, in being who I am
Brought on by his attitude of proving he’s in charge, that he’s the man…

I wonder what would happen if he actually listened to what I said…
Instead of thinking and projecting me as a threat

Would he see how much I am hurt and what part of it he owns these days
Would he look at me for real and the love I give him in my gaze

I wonder if he knows how much I die each time he tells me he’s proud
Tis simply taunting under a positive shroud

But now its too late. I can’t take much more…
I have to leave this world… To hell with settling scores

It may take more than being vocal, more than being gone to make him understand
He wasn’t the only one not willing to hold my hand.

All of this yielding, all of this pretense that’s put up… More by him than I…
Has finally begun to kill me and I’ll stall it no longer… Its time to say goodbye

This way I’m no longer a burden and everyone keeps their power
My final departure will be marked by a gift of flowers

And I wonder, for me, what this journey has in store
I just know in each step there is love, and that never lessens but always grows and becomes more

Leaving makes me feel stronger, makes my decisions feel more sound
I wonder if he can accept it, and pick up my parting flower off the ground…

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