I. FUCKING. Hate. You.

Me, willing to move mountains to make you happy, willing to please you however I can compromising self and standards.

For. You.

Is it enough that I am forced to be content with becoming invisible to keep up a ridiculous appearance that benefits no one but yourself? And to keep “drama” to a minimum?

Riiight

But that’s my fault too… I make sure its done to keep you happy… With me at least.

That’s a joke.

When you are upset or stressed or depressed… Who feels that? Hm?

I do.

Because my timing is wrong, because me trying to keep up with what’s going on with you causes you stress. So you take it out on me and never apologize even when I’m calm and its not my fault… But I take it because I care about you. And I just want you to be ok.

Its like you don’t even want to be seen with me. When we go out its always on borrowed time. You don’t call.

You refuse to tell me what’s going on between us… Simply being coy or acting like I should know, when because of your moodswings I sometimes doubt that you want me around. At all.

Fights are always my fault, I’m supposed to be patient… For what? I’m thinking that I’m the in-between until things get better and then you’ll leave me along with your rebound shortcomings

I. Hate. You.

How many times have I wasted resources and effort only to be turned away? How many time have you projected your bullshit onto me?

My list of regrets is sky-high. I should have just fucked you and sent you back to your friends, and never spoken to you again. I should have left your drunk ass where I found you. I should have stopped trying to defend a grown ass man long ago. I should have realized I should have let silence be silence and let that first fight be our last.

What kind of good man requests the demeanor and protocols of a mistress with his actions and says otherwise when FINALLY prodded for an answer in words.

I guess you are only for me when no one is looking… I came out of the closet years ago in one way… I won’t let you put me back there in another.

You want me to stop my self sabotaging, I want you to stop taking shit out on me when I’m trying to get things straight. You want me to be patient, I want you to stop playing me for a damn fool.

I am a good woman… I’ve told you that for the last time. But you won’t care because its cool if I leave… You don’t intend to try anything with me, right?

Fuck. You.
:)

Chardonnay